


The Piers of Brooklyn

by amandateaches



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotions, F/M, bittersweet fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandateaches/pseuds/amandateaches
Summary: After moving in with the Avengers, Bucky finds himself struggling to let go of his past and find himself again. What he needs is a little help to remind him that he’s home.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	The Piers of Brooklyn

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon-divergent where Bucky joins the group right after CATWS instead of going on the run. This is my first attempt at writing for Marvel, and I’m really excited about it. It was written for one of my favorite people, @pinknerdpanda, and her Birthday Challenge. This story was inspired by the song Beyond by Leon Bridges, and the lyrics are interspersed within. It was also written from a request for my 2k challenge from my beautiful friend, @hannahindie, who was amazing enough to read this over for me. I was a little nervous writing for a new character and a new fandom, so any feedback you have would be greatly appreciated.

When Bucky first moved into the tower, he did everything he could to adjust, to put his past behind him, become just another member of the team.

He attended the parties, trained with the others, smiled through the group dinners. But, there was always something missing. No matter how hard he tried, a part of him always had his guard up, keeping him separate, walled off from the others. He didn’t know if it was to protect himself from everyone else, or to protect them from him.

Steve was his usual puppy dog self, assuring him that everyone had moved past what he’d done, that they knew it was the programming, not him. His therapist said the same thing, that it wasn’t him, he was powerless to stop it, but every time he looked in Stark’s eyes, he saw his parents. Every time Natasha handed him a cup of coffee or he ran with Sam, he re-lived all of his sins, everything he’d done to hurt them and so many others.

Steve could say that they’d forgiven him all he wanted, but the truth of it all was that Bucky hadn’t forgiven himself. How could he ever expect anyone else to?

So, he moved through his days on autopilot, a part of him always struggling to rediscover that piece of him he’d lost when he fell into that river all those years ago. He saw glimpses of it when he was around Steve, but it felt like seeing someone above water when you were drowning. Blurry and unreachable. It wasn’t until he met you that he felt like he could finally start swimming to the surface.

You moved into the tower a few months after Bucky, having been stationed in D.C. before that. You’d fought against HYDRA during the Battle at the Triskelion, working closely with Steve, Natasha, and Sam, but you’d never actually crossed paths with Bucky. When the fight was over, and Steve had brought Bucky back to New York for rehabilitation, you’d stayed behind in D.C. to deal with the fallout.

With S.H.I.E.L.D essentially disbanded, you found yourself out of a job, so Steve invited you to join the Avengers in their missions to combat the ever-present threat of HYDRA. You’d accepted, packing up your things and making the move up the coast to Manhattan.

You’d settled in easily at the tower, proving yourself a valuable asset on missions and becoming fast friends with the others in the downtime. But, what Bucky found the most interesting was how you’d reacted to him. All of the others, though polite, had initially been distant with him, slow to trust until he could show the Winter Soldier wasn’t who he was anymore. But, you were the exact opposite.

You’d gravitated towards him. The second you moved in, you’d made it a point to invite him to work out with you and include him in activities, both inside and outside the tower. Every movie night, you sat next to him. Every trip to the zoo, you dragged him with you. He knew you were trying to help him heal, get him to find the joy in the normalcy of life, but you never forced him. You were just right by his side, holding his hand the entire way.

It was his lifeline. You were his lifeline. And, he knew, no matter how strong everyone thought he was, one of the biggest reasons he was healing was you.

For months, the two of you continued this way, falling into a comfortable pattern between missions. But, every Saturday, Bucky would break the pattern, going off on his own for a few hours and leaving you behind.

He knew it drove you crazy. When this started, you’d ask what he was doing when he returned at night, but he never told you. He couldn’t tell you.

Eventually, you stopped asking, assuming it was something too personal, a wall he wasn’t ready to let down yet. But, you never stopped wondering where he disappeared to every Saturday. And, he knew it. It was the part of himself he held back, and he vowed that, someday, he’d find the courage to show it to you.

Don’t wanna get ahead of myself

Feeling things I’ve never felt

It’s kinda hard for me to explain

Her personality and everything

Brings me to my knees, oh

She shines me up like gold on my arm

Do you think I’m being foolish if I don’t rush in?

It was a rainy February Saturday when Bucky finally, fully, let you in.

Most of the Avengers were occupied for the day, either out or working in different parts of the tower. You knew today was Bucky’s day to disappear for the afternoon, so you popped some popcorn and set yourself up in front of Tony’s wide-screen movie-theater-worthy tv. You’d just picked up the remote to dig in when Bucky appeared in the doorway, leaning casually against the wooden frame.

“Hey!” you said, almost dropping your popcorn in surprise. “What’re you still doing here? I thought you’d left already.”

“Yeah, I was on my way.” He shot you a lop-sided grin, locks of his hair falling into his face. “I was wondering, maybe, you know if you weren’t busy, if you’d possibly want to come with me today.”

A rush of excitement flowed through you. You knew how important this alone time was to him and what it must have taken for him to ask you, so you knew how big of a deal this was. Plus, he looked so damn nervous, you couldn’t help but smile. “I thought no one was allowed to come with you, not even Steve.”

His grin wided, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “You’re my one exception. You comin’ or not?”

You laughed at his teasing bravado, but you jumped up immediately, following him to the garage.

You both decided to take Bucky’s bike, and, with your arms wrapped securely around his waist and your cheek pressed against his back, the two of you zoomed in and out of the New York traffic. At some point, the traffic began to thin out and Bucky began to slow, but you weren’t quite sure where you were.

He drew to a stop by a wide stretch of grass, and you could see the water beyond the trees, but not much else. “Where are we?”

He grabbed the helmet from you, placing it on the bike beside his, and smiled softly. “Brooklyn.”

You expected more of an explanation, but Bucky just turned, starting to stride across the grass without saying anything more, not even waiting for you to follow him. 

Damn, was he frustrating.

You sighed and hurried after him, trying to take stock of your surroundings as you worked to keep up. Bucky was a super soldier, so about three of your steps equaled one of his, but he slowed when you neared him, giving you an opportunity to look around.

The grassy area was ending, opening up to the expansive view of New York Harbor in front of you. A pier stretched out to your right, and Bucky made a beeline for it, with you following. You could see the Statue of Liberty in the distance, with the Manhattan skyline and the East River beyond it.

The pier was relatively short, with wavy, black curves painted on the concrete and old-fashioned street lamps punctuating the railing. They turned on while you walked, signalling that night was approaching.

Bucky didn’t stop until he reached the end of the pier, sitting down at a bench by the edge, like you assumed he’d done dozens of times before. You waited a beat before joining him, sitting silently down by his side.

“This is Valentino pier,” he explained softly, breaking the silence. “Back when Steve and I were growing up here, it was called Red Hook. We’d sneak down here sometimes to mess around, watch the boats out in the harbor.” His voice dropped, an edge of sadness underlying it. “It looked a lot different back then.”

Realization hit you, and your heart ached for what he must have felt coming back here, reconciling his memories with how the world had changed. You knew he’d grown up in Brooklyn with Steve, but you’d never thought about the when. When he left here, it was 70 years ago for you, but almost yesterday for him.

“When Steve first brought me back,” he continued, his face remaining expressionless to mask the emotion you could hear in his voice, “it took me a while to come back here. But, my therapist thought it would be good, cathartic or something, so eventually, I worked up the nerve. My old neighborhood had almost completely changed. It felt familiar, but different somehow, like I didn’t really belong anymore.”

You didn’t say anything, just reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it in your lap.

“The first time I came, I just wandered the streets for hours, trying to find something that felt like home. There were things I recognized, but nothing felt quite right, not ‘til I found this. It’s funny, because this whole park wasn’t even here when I was, but this view…” He gestured in front of him, motioning at the sunset that was brewing over the Harbor. “This felt like home. Coming here, I finally started to feel like me again.”

He looked over at you, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. “You know, I came here right before I shipped out.” He gulped, his eyes darkening. “That last night.”

You squeezed his hand gently, wishing you could take some of this weight on for him. “I thought you went to the Stark Expo?”

“I did,” he nodded. “But, the next morning, before sunrise, I came here, to the harbor. I watched the docks awaken, the ships begin to sail out as the sun rose over the horizon, breathing in the Brooklyn air one last time before I reported.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I think I knew then I wasn’t coming home.”

You placed your free hand on his cheek, pulling his attention away from the dropping sun and over to you. “Bucky, you did come home. You survived. This sunset? This air? It’s the same you felt in 1943. You’re home, Buck.”

The relief on his face was soft, almost unrecognizable, but it was there. You let out a breath at the sight, unaware that a part of you had been holding that breath for months, waiting for this exact moment.

Looking away from him and out towards the water, you kept his hands in yours, the two of you sitting in silence as the sun sank down into the harbor in the distance, the dusk settling into a still darkness.

He began to rub his thumb across the inside of your palm, and you smiled, turning back to study his profile. His face hadn’t changed, but it looked lighter somehow, more relaxed than you’d ever seen. You didn’t know if that was from the view or…

“Buck, why did you ask me to come with you today? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you did, but this place seems very personal to you, and I’m just…”

His eyes snapped over to meet yours, the shifting blues churning as they scanned yours. “Just what?”

Your eyes dropped to his lips for the barest of seconds before jumping back to his eyes. “A colleague.”

Bucky’s entire face softened, and he pulled his hand from yours, resting it on your thigh. “You think that’s all you are? Jesus, Y/N…” He lifted his other hand, running it slowly through your hair. “You’re so much more than that.”

Everything in you soared at his words, and you ached to lean in and kiss him senseless, but you held back. He’d let you in, but you knew he was still fragile. He wasn’t ready for that, at least not yet.

“You’re more than that to me too, Buck,” you whispered, and his whole face lit up. For the first time since you knew him, he surprised you by pulling you into a hug, his strength and warmth enveloping you. He rested your head on his shoulder and gripped you tightly to him, like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go.

But, you weren’t going anywhere. No matter how long it took, or what demons he had to fight, you were with him, for the long haul. “Come on, Buck,” you whispered, shifting back to look him in the eye. “Let’s go home.”

Do you think I’m being foolish if I don’t rush in?

I’m scared to death that she might be it

That the love is real, that the shoe might fit

She might just be my everything and beyond


End file.
